ChimpsAhoy » Artsy

A Real Sonnet.

greg — Sun, 22 Sep 2002 02:15:29 +0000

Based on the reaction from my last two posts, I fear being lambasted for this one. I realize that most of you were disappointed that “Marshmallow Mateys” wasn’t a sonnet. But it was so much more: it was love. I also know that most of you will do one or more of the following to this post and this sonnet:

(a) Count the number of lines
(b) Check that the rhyme scheme is ababcdcdefefgg
(c) Find some grammatical error
(d) Fall madly in love with me for my Shakespearean talent

That is okay.

Happy Sunshine Day
Oh hearken to this happy sunshine day
A sparrow sings its hymns of joyful years,
And butterflies above this month of May
Come kiss and greet the morn? as it appears.
Alas a car pulls over yonder hill.
A merry family gazes at the sight
Of open fields of daisies lying still,
And golden wheat that dances in the light.
And hast thou seen the glory over there?
A silken rabbit hidden in the grass
That jumps and skips in mirth and with out care
And leaps onto a cool and rocky path.
But Goodyear screeches out a loud ?Hello!?
And splatters out that silken poor fellow.

What is a sonnet?

greg — Sat, 21 Sep 2002 02:13:56 +0000

Many of you are probably wondering this. A sonnet is a lyric poem in a single stanza consisting of fourteen iambic pentameter lines linked by an intricate rhyme scheme.

My Ode to Marshmallow Matey’s is a poem, not a sonnet. Irregardless, me, Becky and Steve was talking about sonnets (and Steve was correcting me all along), and then I is like, “Hey, this aint a sonnet.”

I hate living in the same house as an English major. All they are good for is correcting your grammar and telling you to shut up when they are reading Chaucer. Why can’t I blast gangsta rap while you are reading Canterbury Tales? You can read out loud while I paint if you want.

Juilius Sharpe quote:

I went to college. I did the smart thing and majored in English. That prepares you for your future, because unemployment forms are in English, so are bank warnings and eviction notices. Seriously, if I had known I was going to be this poor I would have studied Spanish. (Not nice, but funny)

It’s a great country when you can go to a college for 4 years to study English, when you already speak English. When you get a diploma, that’s like saying “Congratulations — while you were at college, you didn’t forget anything.”

English should be taught with a corresponding math course, “Calculating Credit Card Interest at 19%.”

I’m using my knowledge to write a book about my standup career called “When Will the Big-Lipped Jew Say Something Funny?”

The only thing an English major is good for is so you can be that ass who corrects everyone’s grammar.

“It’s not Jeff and me, it’s Jeff and I.”

Actually, both me and Jeff hate you, because you’re always correcting our grammar.”

Marshmallow Mateys

greg — Fri, 20 Sep 2002 02:10:57 +0000

I’m a bachelor. And as a bachelor, you learn to appreciate certain things in life: 2 for a $1 cheeseburgers, top ramen, 3-day underwear, and especially cereal. It’s not just cereal: it’s lunch, heck it’s dinner sometimes. I wrote a love sonnet to one of my favorites -

Marshmallow Mateys
An Ode to Malt-o-Meal’s Greatest Breakfast Cereal

At the crack of dawn,
Amidst the yawns-
One can hear that telltale sound-
The resonance of a crinkling bag.
Within the bag, O blessed, blessed bag,
Lies Malt-o-Meal’s Marshmallow Mateys.
As I open the perforated resealable package,
My nose is greeted with that all too familiar smell.
Hastily, a bowl is brought,
All piety has been forgot.
Ting-tang goes those tasty morsels,
Bouncing within my breakfast bowl.
Chaos breaks loose, and I quickly devour,
My daily value of zinc, dextrose, and flour.
Bite, after bite, my spoon is now a shovel,
I am engrossed in feasting, above all.
Amongst the confusion, it did not reach my attention,
That my bowl was empty of those joyous sugar chunks!
Painfully depressed, I quickly settled my apprehension,
I poured out more cereal, and was saved from that funk.