On a lighter note, apartment morale hit an all-time high tonight when I threw a Funsize Baby Ruth in TJ’s toilet. Compare that to the running list of everything else that’s made it into his pond -
-Spoiled Milk
-Steve’s Infamous “Egg Cup”
-Tater Tots*
*Not a euphemism
I had a great weekend. Hung out with my friends, stayed up late…and then came today. Monday. The first day of the week, which means that I had to wake up early to go to an Art History class. Sound fun? It’s not like riding a roller coaster, believe me. After my exhilarating hour and fifteen minutes of lecture, I was able to look forward to a short break (which was really enjoyable) before I almost passed out in boredom due to Microeconomics. Just like the line from Office Space, “Sounds like you got a case of the Mondays.”
You may remember Rich Gannon from the Superbowl-losing Raiders. He was the guy who got sacked repeatedly, and also threw a record-breaking amount of interceptions. Well, I think he looks like Will Ferrell (Brad agrees). “Other” people think he looks like Matt Lauer. You decide…
Use the voting software to the left…
When I went grocery shopping the other day I saw a penny on the ground, and I had an overwhelming urge to pick it up in spite of the fact that I was carrying three bags of groceries. When I was a small child, my arms were usually swinging at my sides. I would pick up a penny if I saw one, look around, and discretely shove it in my mouth before anyone caught me. Oh how delicious. After I look back at all of the weird things I ate as a kid, I’m glad I had my tetanus shots.
Some of you may remember the free exclusive Latina magazine subscription I posted for Chimps Ahoy readers. While it was a joke, somehow our apartment now has several subscriptions.
TJ got his first issue in yesterday, courtesy of Steve.
My dad, Roger, is a funny guy. For good ol’ Super Bowl Sunday, I got roped into attending a party at my dad’s cousin’s house with my pop and my sis. I didn’t watch the game at all; instead, I sat around with my dad and his friends, playing cards and listening to their great banter. Here are a bunch of guys, pretty much all in their 70′s and they still have the same great rapport I imagine they had when they were really young.
(by continuing on with the rest of this post, you’re consenting to read profanity…may the faint of heart or constitution pause here)
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Well, I just got back from a day of school. One class…Saturday…many hours of drivel pertaining to teachers and the law. The bad – I have to go next Saturday too; the good – I learned a couple interesting things:
1) It’s bad to hurt children. (Something tells me people should learn this along life’s road well before a 400 level college class).
2) The origin of baggy “gangsta” pants: It started out in prison with some inmates requesting baggie pants. Apparently the subsequent baring of underwear signaled romantic availability.
Side note to the boys of apartment 235: I posted. Now can I have some peace?
Highlight of my day:
Greg was sitting in my wobbly art chair. I’m not sure what exactly he was doing, but he moved forward in the chair. Next thing you know, the chair slid along the office mat on the floor and fell in two pieces. Greg crashed onto the floor, knocking over his computer that was next to him. It was incredibly funny according to the three witnesses who watched, so don’t believe him if he says otherwise.
“What the _____ happened to your website?”
I’m sure that’s what you said when you saw the site. Our last server screwed up our blog software, and we lost all of the comments and blogs. Everything has to be manually reentered, and it would take a significant amount of time to enter the 1000+ comments from our last blogs. So, I am rebuilding.
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It’s amazing the effect that having very little to do will have on a guy. I’ve spent the better part of this week, so far, channeling George Costanza. I’ve done as little as humanly possible, but not on purpose.
Yesterday was “reading day.” At ASU, that’s the day when people are supposed to study for impending finals. I only have one final. Aside from that, I only had one paper to write and several days to do it (my final isn’t until Monday and, hey, I can’t be expected to study for that already). In an amazing feat of complete inefficiency, I set aside three entire days to do the paper, something that could be finished in a few hours. Here’s basically how it went down:
I needed to watch a movie for my silent film class and write a paper (one with ill-defined guidelines, at that…read: no set page length) about; I needed to discuss the film in terms of what we went over in class. Long story short, pick a movie, write about focal length, silent film convention hand-me-downs, etc. I chose “It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World.” I figured I needed to watch the movie twice, once to get the hang of it and another to take notes and be insightful.
Tuesday was the last day of school and I didn’t have anything to do afterwards. I figured I’d write most of the paper, polish it up over reading day, and have the rest of the week to do whatever. I wrote two and a half pages, went to a party, and played multiple games of Warcraft III. So much for that.
Wednesday I again had the best intentions of finishing it completely. I slept in (“Hey, I only have to write a paper,” I tell myself). After I got up, in the neighborhood of 11, I went to spend some quality time with a magazine in the can, and when I came out, Sonath was sitting in my office chair. He cheerfully said hi and scared me silly. It was only after I sat down and my heart stopped racing that I could reflect on how lucky it was that I had already “taken care of business.” Our contingent of generic cleansers and wheezing vacuum cleaner would never have rid the apartment of that mess. Anyway, I sat down and wiped the sleep from my eyes…over the course of about ten minutes. Meanwhile, Sonath was chatting with Brad on my computer, impersonating me, and told Brad to come over. I asked Sonath what he was doing and only after Brad signed off to leave did he tell me that he was chatting with Brad and now he was coming over. Great…so much for the paper. The rest of the day was spent screwin’ around except for the brief interval in which I wrote another two and half pages. Much to my chagrin, I had only covered about half my material. Merry Christmas, Steve! You’re gonna be writing about sub-par chase movies for the rest of the week! Way to be a jerk!
Today, I powered through the rest and finished. The paper, she ended up being ten pages long. It’s pretty boring…I hope my prof doesn’t mind. It’s probably pretty disjointed too…it’ll read like Gertrude Stein. I guess that’s what you get when you write at about fifty different sittings. I was pretty tired or distracted for a lot of it, too. I can only hope that I didn’t subconsciously interject into the paper things like:
“ME WANTEY PLAY WARCRAFT III”
“So to sum it up, the film needs more hefty men riding comically small tricycles.”
“I just burped and it tasted like carne asada burrito.”
“Why am I writing ten pages about a movie that has Don Knotts in it?”
The take home lesson kids. Be productive. If you’re gonna put off your paper, put it off and slack right. Don’t lie to yourselves. And don’t leave your front door unlocked.
