ChimpsAhoy

Hi, Chimpsahoy friends! You might remember me. I used to write on this blog a long time ago, before I got married and got a “real job”. Remember? I knew you would. Just think of me as that old pair of slippers that you used to love and recently discovered under your bed and started to wear again. Right now you should be thinking, “These slippers feel real good. I’m glad I found them after all these years.” Like that, but with me. And before you remember that the dog shat on those slippers and that’s why they were under the bed to start with. And I just ended a sentence with a preposition (FYI: English teachers like to catch those mistakes before anyone else can. Unlike your slippers, we’re insecure. Your slippers are an inanimate object and don’t have feelings, insecurity or otherwise.).

Anyway, I just wanted to say hi and let you know I might be writing on here again. If you want me to. You want me to, right? Please say so.

Do you want me to write on this blog?

[ ] yes
[ ] no

I just shaved my chin. Some may accuse me of jumping on the “Bradwagon” (LOL!!!) and say that I shaved it because he did it. It’s merely coincidence.

Right now I just feel a draft. My chin pants fell down, and I am naked. And I am in pain because I didn’t have the figurative machete to take down these bamboo shoots. It reminded me of my first job as a fifteen year old when my neighbor asked me to come over and mow his lawn for $20. What he should have said was, “Hey will you come over and mow my knee-high lawn filled with dog crap.” Every few seconds the lawn mower would stall, and it would smell like poo. It was like that only with my razor. I’d cruise in full speed at the patch and it would just slide over and stop cutting. I think I chopped a little too close in certain areas as well. It feels like burning.

I’ve also found myself reaching for the ghost of past chin hair. I try to stroke the patch of hair like a little puppy, but it is gone. I weep when I feel the smooth burning skin.

So the real question is, why do this? Well, I have a portfolio review tomorrow and supposedly it makes me look more professional. Yeah, like whatever. At least tomorrow is the last day of school so I can’t start my summer job of growing it back.

As any man who has had facial hair for a while can attest, you grow quite attached (literally and figuratively). As I’m sure many of you have seen, I shaved off my ultra-masculine Grizzly Adams beard, first paring it down to a reasonable goatee, and ultimately shearing my entire face. Personally, I miss my old growth and lament my current punishment of a daily shaving routine.

I’ve never been a big fan of shaving which was always a problem because facial hair was banned without exception in the student body of my high school. If you came to class with a five o’clock shadow, you could be certain of a trip to the office where you would encounter a reprimanding and brutal punishment in the form of forced shaving with a dull, disposable Bic razor. I never personally suffered this ignominy, but the possibility was widely known.
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