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Expensive Helmets
Alright, before we go any further: you know how on the radio during car commercials there is always this sleazy voice that explains all the legal mumbo jumbo before the actual sales pitches really digs in? Well, good. Remember that.
This last week, I have had to commute back and forth from Glendale to Fountain Hills. Depending on traffic, it took as much as an hour and a half. My job with Starbucks takes me to all the new stores in the region to help them train new partners (employees) and set up the store for success. And our newest store just opened near 165th Street and Shea. Needless to say, I have had lots of time to think. And lots of time to listen to the radio. By far the shining part of my commute-filled week happened when the program director (or whoever is in charge of advertising) for KZON placed two commercials awkwardly next to each other…
I was flipping through stations looking for something decent to listen to. I had already heard the news bulletin, so NPR was out of the running for the next six (6) minutes. There was opera on KBAQ. No thanks. So it was on to commercial radio. And that’s just what I got. Here is the gem of a blend that I got to listen to as the end of one commercial lead right into the next:
“Thanks, Trojan Man! Trojan, the pleasure you demand. Protection you trust… On Approved Credit…”
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Now, I’m sure the second commercial went on from there informing the audience that for 6.9% financing or $259 a month they could drive off the lot today in their new Mark Kia vehicle (The Name to Remember). But I was way too busy thinking about a box of condoms so pricey that I would have to take a loan just to afford them.
Then I got to thinking about money and how expensive life is. Then I got to thinking about the vicious cycle that is our higher education system. Like I said, I had a lot of time to think. Follow me here. I could be making more than I am, if I had my four (4) year degree. But I can’t get my degree very fast because I have to work forty (40) hours, or more, a week to survive my cost of living.
“But Sam,” you ask,” why not a scholarship or a FAFSA grant? You are poor, smart, and unique. I’m sure there is something out there for you.”
First, thank you. Your comments are overly generous. But I am only mediocre on all three counts.
1(poor)- My parents make too much money to qualify for government grants or interest free loans, but earn nowhere near enough to send me to college. As for my income, it is not recognized by the government, and won’t even be considered for FAFSA qualification until I turn 24.
2(smart)- Smart doesn’t equal good grades. Universities like to see numerical data proving the fact that I am, in fact, intelligent. Problem is I don’t have any of that. A 1.5 cumulative GPA from the University of Arizona won’t get me accepted into any respectable establishment that awards degrees.
3(unique)- Sure, in the Precious Moments, Oprah, Chicken Soup for the Soul sort of way I am special. Just like everyone else. But let’s look at the facts. I am a white male who was raised in middle-class suburbia. No millionaire with a tax-sheltered scholarship program wants to give his money to me. If only I was a left-handed, Jewish, Black woman, raised in the Bronx, spoke Spanish, Japanese and had a desire to pursue a career in molecular biology I could afford a decent education.
Until then, I’ll be satisfied with an hourly retail job that sends me to the boonies. Hey, at least I can still laugh at prophylactics.
Cheers,
Sam
dani September 3rd, 2006 23:49 pm
you are funny sammers.
Jessica Susan September 4th, 2006 00:27 am
You have such a gift for writing. I love reading anything you write because it’s like you’re right here talking to me. I tried to leave a comment on an earlier post of yours, but I don’t think it worked.
How’s your book coming?
Amanda September 4th, 2006 09:17 am
Sam I miss you!
Nick September 10th, 2006 06:24 am
Wow chimps is back ! And Sam is writing and Steve might return. This could be a return to greatness or am I still dreaming ?